Pimp That Pokemon!
by flaretempest
Summary: It's everyone's favorite pokemon fashion show: Pimp That Pokemon! In today's episode, we have a special guest: Ash Ketchum, pokemon master! Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon and am in no way affiliated with the various parties who do.**

* * *

"And now it's time for everyone's favorite pokemon fashion show: Pimp That Pokemon!" boomed the announcer over the cheers of the audience. "And now let's meet your host: Gary Oak!"

"Hey, hey, hey! How's everybody today?" said Gary as he ran onto the stage.

"GREAT!" answered the audience as they erupted into more clapping and cheering.

Gary waited for the noise to die down before he continued. "Good, because today we have a very special guest who's pokemon needs to be taught some fashion sense. And what show is better for that than…?" he asked as he pointed to the audience.

"PIMP THAT POKEMON!" they roared back.

"Exactly! And so, without further ado, let's meet today's judges! Today, we have some rather famous judges, whose names most of you probably know, and who most of you probably worship. Today, we have brought some of the top coordinators in the world here to judge, because who knows style and beauty better than a pokemon coordinator, right?"

"RIGHT!" answered the crowd.

"I'm glad you agree! And so let's met our first judge: Drew!"

The girls in the crowd erupted into deafening cheers as Drew walked calmly up onto the stage, throwing roses into the crowd as he walked.

Heedless of the roses' thorns, the crazed fangirls fought furiously for the roses, with other audience members getting caught in the crossfire. Other members of the audience cried out in pain as they were struck by the roses' thorns, with many cries of "MY EYE! I GOT A ROSE STUCK IN MY EYE!" and "I'M BLEEDING! I'M BLEEDING!" echoing throughout the room.

Gary gave a nervous laugh as Drew took his seat in one of the judges' chairs. "Just remember that you all signed waivers, so don't get any ideas!" he said to the audience.

When the cries of pain finally died out, Gary introduced the next judge. "And now, the next judge: May!"

This time, it was the boys' turn to erupt into crazed cheers as May walked up onto the stage. As she took her seat, Drew leaned over to her.

"Hey, babe. Wanna have some fun? There's a party in my pants tonight, and you're invited," he said in what he thought was an extremely sexy voice, but which came out sounding high pitched and squeaky.

May answered him with a slap across the face.

"Ohhhhh, snap! REJECTED!" hollered Gary. "And on that note, let's meet our third judge: Harley!"

The cheers for Harley were much less pronounced than they had been for May and Drew. But Harley didn't seem to care as he pranced up to the stage and grabbed the microphone from Gary.

"Hey! What're you doing?! Nobody is allowed to touch that mic except me!" growled Gary as he lunged toward Harley.

But Harley only pranced out of the way. "Relax, hon. I just want to give the audience a special message," he said to a fuming Gary. "All right! How is the audience today?" he shouted.

He didn't get any replies.

"Okay, fine. I was just _trying_ to be nice," he said. "Anyway, I just wanted to let any kids in the audience know that I have some candy in my van. If you kids want some, I'm parked in the dimly-lit alley out back-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" interrupted Gary as he finally regained his microphone from Harley, who sulked to his seat. "Er… sorry about that, folks," he said to the audience as he gave another nervous laugh. "Just remember that the company behind 'Pimp That Pokemon' is in no way responsible for any injuries, physical or emotional, that you may receive from viewing this show."

"And now to meet today's victim," announced Gary, who had regained his composure. "He is currently the world's only Pokemon Master! His name is known to all! And so is his trademark Pikachu! Let's bring out today's Pimp That Pokemon victim: Ash Ketchum!"

The crowd burst into ravenous applause, even greater than May and Drew's applause combined. However, the subject of the cheers didn't seem nearly as ecstatic.

Ash trudged slowly up to the stage, bearing an expression similar to one who was being led to the execution chamber. Gary noticed this, and yanked him aside.

"Ash, what do you think you're doing?! The crowd didn't pay to see a boring, grim-looking Ash. They paid to see an exciting Ash!" he whispered furiously, with a hand covering the microphone.

"But Gary, I don't _want_ to be here," whispered Ash dejectedly.

"Yeah, well I don't want to be here either. I've always wanted be a pokemon researcher, but my parents pushed me into show biz'."

"Really?" asked Ash, surprised.

"No," replied Gary gruffly. "Now, smile for the crowd, or your diary ends up on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper."

"It's not a _diary_, it's a _journal_!" retorted an indignant Ash.

"Well whatever it is, everyone will know what's in it if you don't smile and wave in the next five seconds."

So Ash smiled and waved.

* * *

After what seemed like a century, the cheers finally died out.

"Now, here's how things work on Pimp That Pokemon. First, we will have the judges rate one of the victim's pokemon based on its appearance and coolness. Then, the judges will alter the pokemon's appearance to one that is 'cool'. And then the audience will decide if the judges have done a good job. And if they did a good job, then each of them will get a check for ONE MILLION DOLLARS! But if they did a job, we have a special surprise in store for them," explained Gary to a cheering audience.

"What do I get?" piped up Ash.

"Absolutely nothing!" replied Gary.

"What? That's not fair! I should-"

"Suddenly, I've stopped caring about what you have to say," interrupted Gary. "It is now time for the victim to send out of his pokemon. But since his Pikachu is so famous, we've chosen to victimize him against Ash's consent!" he boomed, which caused more cheers to break out from the audience as a reluctant Pikachu was brought up onstage.

"And now, it's time for our judges to rate the pokemon!" declared Gary.

"He is totally boring in every way. Zero," said Drew dismissively with a wave of his hand.

"He is perfect in every way," said May dreamily. But she wasn't looking at Pikachu; she was looking at Ash. This was not unnoticed by Gary.

"It seems May has a thing for Ash!" announced Gary. "Does Ash feel the same way? Why don't we ask-"

"Hey, what about me?" interrupted Harley.

Gary shot Harley a death glare, but Harley didn't seem fazed. "I would give the Pikachu a three out of ten. While it does look amazingly adorable, it is way too plain, which means it can't be fabulous."

"Thank you for that, Harley," said Gary in voice that made it clear he wasn't thankful at all. "And now, we will take a short intermission while our judges dress up Pikachu and make him as amazing-looking as he can be."

* * *

"And the judges have finished! Let's see how Pikachu looks now!"

May, Drew and Harley walked back onto the stage, with Pikachu following dejectedly in their wake. When the crowd caught sight of him, they immediately fell silent.

All of the yellow fur on his body had been dyed black, while all of the fur that had previously been black had been dyed white. A white baseball cap was stuck securely on his head, and his tail had a white ribbon tied to its end, which fluttered about when he walked.

Ash gasped in horror. "What've you done?! He looks like a mime!"

"Chill out, Ash. We have to let the judges explain their work," said Gary.

Drew stpped forward. "As you can see, the clashing black and white colors create an aura of 'badassness' and 'coolness' while simultaneously saying 'Hey, I'm cool, and I don't need too many fashion accessories to prove it, just some dye, a hat, and a ribbon'. Of course, this appearance may also create some displeasure for the fashionably-challenged, because in their simple minds, they are unable to comprehend Pikachu's coolness, and only see a mime."

"Hey, I resent that!" yelled Ash.

"And I don't care about anything you have to say," said Gary, and he turned to the audience. "And now, it is time for you, the audience, to decide the judges' fate! If you think they succeeded in their mission to make Pikachu look amazing, then reach under your seat and press the 'Yes' button on the remote. But if they failed, press the 'No' button instead!"

One minute later, the results came up on the huge screen behind the stage.

"And, the results are in! And it's a fifty-fifty tie! Something we've never had before!" announced Gary. "Because it's a tie, instead of punishing _all_ of the judges, we can only punish one instead! Now, which of you wants the punishment?" he said to May, Drew, and Harley, who were backing away slowly.

"None of you? Well, fine, I'll decide who gets it, then. Since May is a girl, and we don't even know _what_ Harley is, Drew gets the punishment!"

"What?! Why me?!" exclaimed Drew.

"Aw, please! Man up, boy! Think of this as a character building session," said Gary as he motioned in the shadows behind Drew, from which an electabuzz emerged. "Today's surprise punishment is electrocution! And who better to administer it than an electabuzz? Let's begin!" announced Gary, and the electabuzz grabbed Drew in a choke-hold and started to spark.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Drew as thousands of volts poured through his body.

"Okay, Electabuzz. I think Drew has had enough," ordered Gary, and the electabuzz dropped a charred Drew to the ground.

Drew slowly picked himself up, wincing as he did so. "What was that for?! You could've killed me! Just wait until my parents hear about this!"

"You know, Drew, you signed a waiver, so your parents can't do _anything_ about what happened. And I've just decided that since you're whining so much, you get an additional punishment!" said Gary as he motioned to the electabuzz again.

"Wait! What're you doing?!" exclaimed Drew as the electabuzz picked him up, and threw him with a mighty heave into the audience, where he was pounced on by a horde of squealing fangirls.

"So, Ash, do you, you know, _like_ me?" asked May shyly.

"Um… well, you are one of my best friends…" replied Ash nervously.

"Allow me to help you answer, Ash," said Gary as he pulled Ash's journal out of thin air and began talking in a bad imitation of Ash's voice. "_I am so crazily in love with May! I only hope that my feelings are returned!_"

"Hey, I didn't write that!" said Ash.

"But you would've if you were more exciting!'

"So, Ash, I'll see at 8 o'clock tonight," said with a wink as she walked out.

"What? What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.

"For a date, silly," May answered.

"Wow. That was steamy stuff," commented Gary. "And on that note, we'll see you next week on everyone's favorite pokemon fashion show, Pimp That Pokemon! Bye!"


End file.
